SYRA-NEWS

Time for the Saul-tan to keep everyone up to date with the latest news you can use from the Salt City.

Density, USA- No, this is not a typo. You see, for the better part of a decade there have been plans to expand the shopping mecca, that is Carousel Center, into one of the biggest homes to consumerism in the world. Most wonder if this will ever happen. Many thought they saw "progress" when they began airing commercials about the steel gerters they brought in and with several people that had been hired to work at Destiny, USA. Of course one of those ads featured a convicted felon. The Destiny PR department quickly stated they wouldn't have intentionally done this if they had known he was a convicted felon. Which of course, begs the question, did they not do background checks on these people? Another commercial had some lady saying how she was gonna make $70,000 a year. Really? Doing what? Anyways, needless to say, Destiny USA, still seems to be nothing but a pipedream. As the money-grubbing, power-hungry "powers that be" continue to try and make Destiny USA happen, the stores in the Carousel Center continue to head out. Here are just some of the stores/restaurants that have closed in only the last few months: Rave, Eddie Bauer, American Cafe, Nancy's, and soon Kohr Bros. and People's Pottery. Maybe this is just SCS talking, but maybe they should be able to keep the stores they have before the try and add more? I dunno?

WHAT'S BREWIN'?: Sometimes Saul is not on top of all the important news, but luckily we have good contacts.

GREEN WITH ENVY- Word on the street is that Elliot Spitzer is trying to turn former Syracuse University and Atlanta Falcon football player, turned attorney and author, Tim Green Democrat. Not only is this a good move politically, but it could bolster the democrats defense for the annual skirmish with the GOP. Watch out Jack Kemp! Of course the Fightin' Donkeys recently added Heath Shuler at Quarterback, which could be good or bad, but if they remove Green, the GOP will have a lessened pass rush. If they get Tim Green, SCS is going to have to pick the Fightin' Donkeys over the Unchanging Pachyderms 23-14 in Capitol Hill Bowl 87.

CENTRO-PHY- It seems that the Salt City bus system has recieved some national acclaim. The American Public Transportation Association named Centro the Best Mid-Sized
Transit System in America. Now here is interesting story to go along with this award. So last week SCS was riding a Centro bus. SCS does this because that's where the real salt of the earth people are and SCS is a man of the people. So we're riding the bus, and whilst on it, these three African-American gentleman began exchanging words. Sure enough this escalated into fisticuffs in the middle of James Street, a pretty well-trafficked road. Now the bus driver did make them get off the bus to fight. It was two heavyset man taking on one skinnier dude who was kind of a taller Urkell. Now Urkell did start the fight, but still, the two-on-one effort was cheap and unnecessary. Now as they fought in the middle of James St., the bus didn't move, and the riders were pressed against the window for a better view. SCS called 911 to report the incident as no one else seemed to care that this guy was getting beaten up. Now the most unsavory part of the whole incident, is not only did the driver not move the bus, he let the two guys back on the bus! After they had beaten someone up in the street! What?! The whole incident, has soured us on the state of our society. But congrats on the award Centro. Bravo.

HOOP-LA- Apparently the Salt City will soon be home to pro basketball. You read correctly folks. The ABA is coming to the 'Cuse. Of course the Salt City is enriched in basketball culture. You can thank the Salt City for more scoring, as the shot clock was invented here, thusly ending the days of 7-3 games. The team will be the Syracuse Bullies. What the heck kind of name is that? Personally, we are insulted by the fact the no one came here first to name this team. The Bullies? Really? Quickly, parents of little nerdy kids who get beat up on the playground will be offended and the team will need a name change. I feel we could be of some service here. In preparation for this inevitable happening, we have come up with some new names. The Weather Cats- in honor of WSTM-3's Doppler the weather cat. Or how 'bout The A-Salt? Yeah, get it, cause it's the Salt City. Or just spell it regular, Syracuse Assault. Sounds great, right? Or the Syracuse Blizzard. Salt Licks? In fact why even bother with Syracuse, why not go with the Salt City moniker. Salt City Sultans? Or maybe the Squalls? We have lots of snow squalls hit us every winter. Miami has the Heat, how about the Syracuse Freeze, or the Chill. Don't worry we'll keep working on it. But besides the name, our head is spinning with the possible players that could end up playing ball in our fair city. Former SU stars Lazarus Sims and Kueth Duany are already in the ABA. Can it be long before we see G-Mac back? Ryan Blackwell, Preston Shumpert, Otis Hill? How about Lou Roe, Bill Curley, Harold Arcineaux, Bryce Drew, Blake Stepp, Shaheen Holloway, John Tomsich, Serge Zwikker, Charlton Clarke, Victor Page, Andrew DeClerq, Felipe Lopez, Pepe Sanchez...oh my, the possibilities! We're busting readers, we're busting! Look out Rochester Razorsharks and Buffalo Silverbacks, here come the Bullies!